This was a little dessert treat I created for el-husbandito’s birthday dinner. The same birthday where I asked, like a good and dutiful wife,
‘What would you like me to cook you for dinner honey? Anything you like’.
‘Beef Welllington’ he replied immediately.
Motherfucker, I did not see that coming. Cue one shopping trip sourcing ludicrously indulgent ingredients (porcini, prosecution, pate, pastry anyone? I drew the line at chestnuts, this is Sydney not the bloody English countryside for fucks sake), followed by several hours arsing about in the kitchen making the bastard things. I have to admit the finished product was a bloody impressive sight and even better to eat, but next year he’ll be having fucking fish ‘n chips out of the paper I can tell you that much!
So, after witnessing my labour of love over the main he was wise enough to make all the right enthusiastic, appreciative noises when dessert was dished up, smart man. But don’t worry, this recipe has also been independently taste tested by other parties who are not contractually obliged by marriage to say it’s delicious (or trying to salvage their chances of a birthday blowjob) and the verdict was a big ‘fuck yeah’.
Get this stuff
10 dates soaked in hot water for a couple of hours to soften. Just use the bog standard variety, you don’t need to waste those fucking delicious gold plated medjools just to pulverise them.
1/4 C raw almonds
1/4 C shredded coconut
2 heaped T cacao
1 T almond butter
2 t coconut oil
2 T chia seeds
110 mls strong coffee – I used a Nespresso lungo (that’s fancy pants speak for long, check me out)
1/4 C cashews soaked overnight in water
4 t rice malt syrup, stevia, maple syrup or sweetener of your choosing
1 T coconut oil
1- 2 T cacao depending on how dark you like your mocha
4 t coconut oil
4 t rice malt syrup
4 t cacao
Do this with it
I made this into four tarts using 8cm tart tins but you could make them into mini bite sized versions if you’re not as greedy as me when it comes to dessert.
This is a bit of a multi stage jobbie, the chia seeds and cashew nuts for the mousse need to be soaked for at least a few hours but ideally overnight so don’t be starting this thinking you’re having it for dessert tonight, you’re not. The upside is that because they set in the freezer you can make them a few days in advance and save yourself pissing about in the kitchen on the day if you’re making them for a special occasion.
So, arse about face though it may seem, start in middle by soaking the chia seeds in the coffee and while you’re at it, in a separate vessel throw the cashews in enough water to cover them and put both in the fridge over night.
If you’re not totally fucking exhausted from all that effort you might as well make the bases now too, then they can set in the freezer overnight and will be ready to rock when you whip up the mousse. This is another really hard step though, so make yourself a strong coffee as well if you need a bit of wakey wakey and pay attention. Drain the dates and put them along with all the base ingredients in the blender and process into a sticky dough like texture. See, told you it was tricky. Divide the mixture evenly between your tart tins, press it in firmly and flatten the buggers out real good, you want to create a nice firm base for the next layer – and doesn’t everyone love a nice firm base? Shove them in the freezer and pat yourself on the back, your work is done for now.
…. the next day
I hope you’ve had a good night’s sleep because stage two is equally complicated. Drain the cashews then put them, along with all the other mousse makings into the blender and whiz that shit up into a smoothy, creamy mousse. Emphasis on the smooth and creamy, this isn’t like peanut butter where crunchy wins, that shit doesn’t wash with mousse so make sure you process it really well you don’t want any lumps messing with that beautiful texture. Take your tart bases out of the freezer, separate the mousse evenly between them and smooth it out into a second even layer.
You’ll need to give these a bit of setting time to firm up which an hour or two in the freezer should take care of but leaving them longer is totally cool too.
The finishing touch is a chocolate drizzle, because an extra layer of chocolate is never, ever a bad thing, if you disagree we clearly can’t be friends. You have two choices here; either serve immediately so the chocolate will still be warm and gooey (mmmm good, gooey chocolate) or, smack those suckers back in the freezer until you’re ready for them and the chocolate will harden up (mmmm, tasty hard chocolate). I tried both, purely in the name of culinary research of course, and choosing a favourite would be like choosing a favourite child, it’s impossible (although of course I know that in our family it’s me, we just don’t say it out loud).
If you’re planning on serving your tarts straight way you’ll want to take your them freezer about 30 minutes before you start to give them a chance to soften a wee bit.
Mix all the chocolate ingredients together in a pot over a low heat, or, if that’s all a bit much effort for you a microwave will do the job as well but go with a low heat and check it every 20 seconds or so to make sure you don’t overcook it and turn it into some crystallised shit, that is not what we’re going for here.
Now is the time to get in touch with your inner artist and unleash your creative talent giving them all a good chocolatey drizzle over the top.
This was the finished result for the Birthday Boy served with vanilla bean ice cream and a candle, because you’re never too old to blow and make wishes on your birthday (or make wishes to get blown…).
Enjoy amigos x