I made some ice cream. I hoped it would be good. It wasn’t. It was fucking sensational. I mean sensational on a sexual level. Table banging, head rolling back, yes, yes, oh my god YES good. Sex on a stick, wet dream good. My tongue hasn’t given anything that much of a working over in a long time, pretty sure husband was jealous.
There is nothing else to say about these. Just make them and treat yourself to some oral pleasure that won’t disappoint.
Get this stuff
1 270 ml tin Ayam coconut cream – I only buy this brand because it’s the only one I’ve found that’s totally unadulterated, 100% coconut cream without any other shit. Why pay for someone else to water your coconut cream down and call it milk, you can do that yourself!
250 mls almond milk
4 medjool dates – I know I often say don’t waste the delicious gold plated dates in baking but in this recipe using the good ones really does make a difference
2 T rice malt syrup
1 T coconut sugar – it’s only a small amount but the amazing natural caramel flavour of the coconut sugar really adds something, y’know, like caramel
1 t maca powder
1/2 t vanilla paste
1/2 t himalayan pink salt
1/2 C chopped macadamias
Chocolate ice magic
2 T coconut oil
2 T rice malt syrup
2 T cacao
Do this with it
Seriously, this is so straightforward I’m almost embarrassed to be even calling it a recipe but here goes… put everything except the macadamias in the blender and blend, blend, blend until you have a smooth, creamy, salted caramel mixture of knicker wetting deliciousness. You’ll know it’s done because when you dunk your spoon in and put it in your mouth it will taste fucking delicious, that’s the official technical process for tasting ice cream mixture. Pour the macadamias in and mix them through with a spoon.
Now there are a few options but all require you not drinking this delicious liquid like a smoothie, tempting though it may be, it’ll be worth the wait to turn it into frozen cream mastery. If you have an ice cream maker then halle-fricken-lujah for you, put that fantastic piece of machinery to use and make ice cream. I had one that I found at Spotlight. It cost $6 on sale. It shat itself after 1.5 uses, who the fuck would have seen that coming?
So, if, like me your husband won’t let you buy all the frivolous kitchen appliances you want then the first option is to pour it into ice block moulds to freeze. This has the benefit of creating a modicum of portion control by producing single serve ice creams, but of course there’s nothing to stop you eating three of those bad boys in one sitting – it’s possible, I know because I tried quite successfully thank you very much.
Option B is to pour it into a plastic container, baking dish or some other sort of deep, tray like receptacle to freeze it into scoopable ice cream form – the thinner the layer, the faster it will freeze. If you’re doing it this way you need to make sure that you cover the mixture really tightly to stop it becoming icy so a container that has a plastic lid is ideal otherwise get some glad wrap mummification going on.
If you happen to be passing the freezer while it’s in there doing its freezy thing it won’t hurt to take it out every now and again to stir the mixture up with a fork to help keep the texture nice and smooth. While this is helpful, it’s not essential, I did some testing and you can just leave it overnight without it turning into one of those nasty blocks of milky ice like some other home made ice creams. Either way, once it’s frozen there’s a trick to turning it into that genuine light and smooth ‘proper’ ice cream consistency and that’s the good ole blender.
Start by shredding it all up with a fork then putting it all in the blender and processing on a low-med speed for a few minutes where you’ll see it change from icy to a sexy smooth and creamy texture that you can then scoop just like the bought stuff. Once you’ve hit the sweet smooth spot transfer it to an airtight container to store – if it lasts that long – mine seems to mysteriously diminish between the blender and freezer…
Salted caramel is one of the sexiest flavours on earth. Fact. So if you want to keep it simple there’s no need to add anything else from this point, but of course I’m such a complex creature I decided to add a chocolate ice magic drizzle. Note: this has nothing to do with the fact that I’m a shameless chocolaholic and will take any opportunity to cram a bit more cacao into my life (and gob).
If you’re of a similar ilk all you need to do is melt the chocolate ingredients together and stir well to combine. Drizzle over one side individual ice creams and the toss them back in the freezer for a minute or two to firm up before repeating on the other side. You can also use the sauce as a good old fashioned ice magic and pour it over scoops of the ice cream and it will pretty much set on contact creating a gorgeous glossy chocolate shell to crack into.