Slackarse Chocolate Slice (or Balls)

That thing happened again, two round little faces looking at me like starving waifs, begging for a snack, a crumb, any morsel to fill their poor empty tummies because they’d just declared fucking lunch inedible AN HOUR BEFORE!

And me being the negligent mother that I am, the one who’d failed to provide a meal that met their exacting and unpredictable appetites, had also failed to stock the cupboards with appropriate snacks, so I thought I’d use my resourcefulness and throw a batch of chocolate bliss balls together to fill those little gobs (and with any hope plug the noise). Except then I remembered that rolling those fuckers is a pain in the arse, so I just made the mixture into a slice instead and whatdya know, it worked a fucking treat. A chocolatey, goodness loaded treat that is. And as with all my kid intended food it’s nut free to make the grade as a lunchbox friendly filler as well.

Of course if you’re more committed to balling than I, or just less fucking idle then you could totally make this mixture into actual balls as well, but y’know, the kids devoured it with chocolate smeared glee broken arse approach is working just fine for me!

choc slice

Get this stuff

1/2 C shredded coconut

1/2 C rolled oats (for gluten free use certified gluten free oats or sub in quinoa flakes)

1/2 C puffed buckwheat

1/2 C plain puffed rice (not rice bubbles for the love of glob!)

1/2 C dates

2 Tbl cacao or dark cocoa

2 Tbl chia seeds

2 Tbl coconut oil

1 tsp vanilla


Do this with it

Grease and line a 20cm square tin.

Soak the dates in hot water for at least 30 minutes to soften, or if you’re disorganised or impatient like me you can just cover them in water and microwave for 1-2 minutes. Drain and reserve the soaking liquid to use later.

Put all the ingredients in a food processor and blitz until a sticky dough-like mixture forms. You’ll need to use about 2-4 Tbl of the date water to bring it all together but add it very slowly, there’s a fine line between sticky and sloppy and no one likes a sloppy slice, or ball for that matter.

Press the mixture firmly into the prepared tin and leave in the fridge to set –  or freezer for a quicker result if you’re really desperate to get to the eating part. Once firm lift out of the tin, slice into squares, distribute into little mouths (or big ones if there’s some of those that need silencing too) and enjoy the serenity… until they start demanding more. Store an airtight container in the fridge.





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