Surprise Fried Rice (It’s not rice and it’s surprisingly fucking good!)

cauli-fried-rice

Surprise chicken fried rice. But the good kind of surprise, not the ‘whoa, motherfucker there’s a long curly pube in my takeaway and it ain’t fucking mine’, or the cream of someyoungguy kind of surprise, but surprise it’s not actual rice but cauliflower rice and surprise again, it tastes pretty fucking schmick!

Of course you also get the extra flavour bonus of being a smug fuckwit for dodging the demon carbs of real rice and eating all those extra veggies instead. Self-righteousness tastes so damn sweet and you can instagram the fuck out of it – just check out my feed for examples of how to be a prize veggie eating wanker!

Juuuust kidding. Being a wanker isn’t essential to the success or enjoyment of this dish, it’s actually a bloody fast and easy dinner to throw together, and a tasty way to get a fucktonne of veggies in. It’s also really fucking versatile so you can use almost anything you have lingering around in the fridge making it the perfect end of week, haven’t been shopping, gotta use all this shit up kind of meal.

And let’s not forget the bonus points acquired from such a healthful, veggie-rammed meal which I figure means I can have a (large) glass of some very fucking nice vino and a square (or four-ish) of dark chocolate – purely for the antioxidants and shit of course.

 Get this stuff
1/2 head of cauliflower, riced.
2 C of a mix of diced veggies to toss in – capsicum, snow peas, zucchini, mushroom, peas, corn, kale, cabbage, carrot – anything goes!
2 small or one large chicken breast (approx 300 grams) cut into cubes, or a mix of pork, chicken, prawn, bacon, egg or tofu if that’s your gig.
1 large finely chopped red onion
1 clove garlic, crushed
2 Tbl soy sauce
optional chilli flakes if you like some spice in your life
Oil for cooking – I like sesame for the nutty flavour but whatever you have is fine
A handful or two of cashews to serve
4 spring onions, chopped to serve
Do this with it

Rice the cauliflower either by chucking florets into the blender and whizzing until it’s the consistency of rice (well, duh), or if you don’t have gadgetry handy you can do the same thing with a good old fashioned grater – just don’t lose a digit in the process!

If you’re using eggs you’ll want to cook them first by adding a tablespoon of oil to a pan over a med-high heat then add the beaten egg and cook, stirring for 1-2 minutes until scrambled. Remove from the heat and set aside.

Throw a tablespoon or two of oil into a work or large frypan, heat and gently sauté the onion and garlic until soft and aromatic. Add chicken, or your mix of meat or tofu and cook until golden, then throw in the mixed veggies and stir fry for another minute or two. Add the soy sauce and chilli flakes if you’re using them and stir to combine. Finally throw in the cauliflower rice and cook for another two minutes or so – the cauli doesn’t need much cooking and you want it to be just tender not a sloppy pulp. If you have that cooked egg waiting then throw it back in now and toss through.

Remove from the heat, stir through the chopped spring onions saving a few for garnish. Transfer into serving bowls and top each one with a handful of cashews or a sprinkling of sesame seeds and the rest of the spring onions to serve.
Serves 2 as a pretty fucking hearty meal.
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