Happy Crapper Seed Crackers

seed crackers 2

I get into a bit of the old homemade green juice, because it’s scientifically factical that it gives you superpowers right? That may be a long shot (or utter bullshit), but in my kitchen it's a great way to use up crappy, scrappy bits of greens like leafy celery tops, broccoli stems, limp zucchini and sad soggy cucumbers. But then what to do with the even crappier, scrappier scraps left after straining the juice?? Yes, bin them would be a reasonable and possibly sensible answer, but sometimes I am neither reasonable nor sensible (ask my husband). I was also experiencing a bit of the good time that is pregnancy constipation and was looking for a way to get some extra bowel loving (and lubing) fibre into my system, so with a combination of waste hating with poo-making I found myself making seed crackers from veggie juice scraps. And right there my friends, is where I feel like I’ve reached a whole new level of waste hating tight arse meets funky unwashed hippie.

Despite sounding like a recipe for something really pretty shit I took a punt and was pleasantly very fucking surprised! Crispy, crunchy seedy crackers, shitloaded (‘scuse the pun) with fibre (you know I love a good poo), and none of the nasty celery pulp bitterness I’d feared. Perfect for a tasty little morsel, or meal, depending how you cut (and eat) them. Totally legit either way.If you have a burning desire to turn your kitchen scraps into a snack give these a hoon

Get this stuff

1/C psyillium husk

1/4 C hemp seeds (or sub out for more linseeds and chia seeds if you can't get them)

1/4 C linseeds

1/4 C chia seeds

1/2 C pumpkin seeds

1/2 C sunflower seeds

1C juice pulp scraps

1.5 C water

Optional seasonings:

1/4 nutritional yeast

1-2 TBL powdered garlic

3-4 TBL herb mix (I used Mingle Seasonings Siena Garlic & Herb)
A few generous grinds of salt

For a more punchy umami hit try a mix of miso, soy sauce, garlic and fish sauce or leave the seasoning out if you want a more neutral cracker.

Do this with it

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees fan bake.

Mix the hemp seeds, linseeds, chia seeds with water and leave to sit for a few minutes to thicken and gloopify.

Add in the juice pulp pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds and 1 C juice pulp, add seasonings of your choice and mix well.

Line a baking tray with non-stick paper and dump the mix on top and spread into a thin, even layer. A handy trick is to lay another sheet of non stick paper on top and then use a rolling pin over that to stop the mix sticking.

Notes: if you want your crackers to actually crack you’ll need to roll them pretty thin, like less than 5mm. This might mean spreading the mixture over two trays.

Bake for 30 minutes.

Turn over whilst trying not to break the fucker. I flipped the whole thing onto a tea towel covered with baking paper then slid the paper back onto the tray. If you have balls of steel you can try using a couple of spatulas and go for the swift flip. May the force be with you.

Return to the oven for another 30 minutes.

Allow to cool before cutting. It may still be a bit soft to touch when you take it out of the oven but will crisp up further as it cools.

I got a bit lazy with all the rolling and left the middle thicker so it didn’t come out as crisp as the edges, almost like a pumpernickel bread which I was actually okay with, but if it is still not as crunchy as you like you can whack the cut crackers back in the oven for another 10-15 minutes and they'll crisp up a bloody treat.

So there y’go. Get amongst it my earthy, waste hating friends. Make some crackers from your scraps that'll have you crapping happy!